Victim mentality? "damaged" people may have confidence issues but are realists and at some point they too can come to understand how they got where they are and rise above it. Intact things work better. The scapegoated child is always labeled as "acting out", when he is reacting to rather than complying with something that he knows is wrong or unhealthy. My concern is that the DSM is continually expanding the list of personality and behavioural 'disorders' and professionals are all-too-keen to relate what Szasz has called 'problems in living' to incidents of childhood 'trauma'.

When studying the personality traits of resilient holocaust survivors, who had suffered extreme trauma and watched their families and friends die in the camps, we found that they were characterised by optimism, creative problem solving and acceptance of their situation.

I thought the point was that how you grow up teaches you different rules about how to live. For some reason, when we are happy or content we don't reflect or analyze ourselves and/or our actions, but when we undergo a hardship, we tend to ponder about what went wrong. Another reason we think trauma may be transformative is that we see variants of this process around us. For our minds, however, the leap is short between seeing the strong emerge from a calamity and concluding that they are strong because of the calamity. Then he argues that experiencing trauma weakens people. the tough neighborhood - a place where they are more likely than not, going to experience more trauma as adults.). So does that mean that people with an “easy life”, who may not have had the opportunity to learn how to be resilient, are worse at it? This notion found life beyond Nietzsche's—which is ironic, his having been rather short and miserable—and it continues to resonate within American culture. True : you learn to embrace your Ego with Compassion, Empathy & Love at a certain point. Journalist,  founder of Wives Self Help hotline, andauthor of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger: Turning Bad Breaks Into Blessings, Maxine Schnall comes out on the side that resilience and strength can indeed come from the unthinkable. Coddling and Care are not the same nor are Psychological hardship and laceration.
Sometimes it’s contrast, not a mirror.”, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is bs. Some are trivial, like a fan's belief that wearing his lucky jersey helps his team win. If neurons that fire together, wire together, then there can be no surprise that a developing brain shaped by 'trauma' will inevitably process life's vicissitudes from the standpoint of anxiety and fear.

As much as we might want to use deductive reasoning to understand and, in some cases, validate an outcome, do we, at times, seek out challenges to make what happened to us, Are our challenges like an intense gym workout that has us becoming more flexible and robust as we sweat it out on various pieces of equipment that might be symbolically labeled, “illness”, “death of a loved one”, “financial difficulty”, or “relationship ending”? Within a fairly broad range of basic parental competence, there does not seem to be a strong link between early experience and adult personality. Is It True That What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger? Of course, sometimes we do emerge stronger — but then again, we can also become stronger by being well loved and experiencing joy. “Well, at first I can be pretty resentful, but I know how cherished I am, so I always get over it. I firmly believe that my parents did their best for both of us and are not responsible for my sister's behavior. It helps people create a sense of stability, bond with caregivers, communicate needs and emotions, regulate themselves, and feel a higher level of self-worth. In the long run, the truth provides the best foundation for real strength. He uses his field less as a science, and more as twisting around facts to support personal beliefs. I know my being has been damaged by many traumas, starting in childhood and continuing now. Study Reveals Drinking Alcohol Helps You Speak Foreign Languages Better, The Rock Has Donated Around 700k Bottles Of Voss Water To Healthcare Professionals, Couple Recreates 50-Year-Old Woodstock Photo Showing Beginning of Their Relationship, This Dentist Travels Around Brazil To Treat The Teeth Of Poor People For Free, This Is Why A Loving Father-Daughter Relationship Is Required To Build A Strong Independent Woman, Three Separated Brothers Were Brought Together By A Lesbian Couple To Help Them Grow Together, Mother Delivered Two Weeks Early so Dying Husband Could Meet His Baby Girl, George Carlin’s Cynical Sayings That Will Make You Laugh And Think, Terence McKenna at His Best: Drugs, Legality, and Love (Interview), 5 Short Terence McKenna Videos That Will Blow Your Mind. I didn't cite anything from Satoshi. But that’s not the whole story.

‘We take on the strength of that which we overcome.’”, “Well, at first I can be pretty resentful, but I know how cherished I am, so I always get over it. Second,I didn't argue that parental behavior as 'no effect whatsoever.' What you do when you are dying is what makes you stronger. You don't have to look very far in order to see the extent to which pain and suffering shapes us individually and, also, culturally, as a society. Though these aspects of life can make you stronger they first make you weak, such as developing personality traits that are viewed as weak attributes. Learning To Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal, Many Seniors with Depression Faring Well During Pandemic. I have been so tired of hearing this quote about trauma making you stronger.

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Street dogs are useless for this—or any other—work because they are unpredictable and not trainable.

I think being more vulnerable matters more.

Toughening up is not shaping personality, it's allowing personality to remain intact. They are more, not less likely to struggle in the world. Well said. Hopefully, just knowing that it is something we can improve can help some of us move in the right direction. What shall I choose? Thanks for the commment, but if you read carefully, you'll find that what bedevils you here are your own logical contradictions. Plenty of people suffer without learning a damn thing.”, “Pain and suffering are not the same thing. It is then that we learn and become stronger. Trauma has become a concept that is too-readily applied and bandied about and the resulting diagnoses and treatments can be 'traumatising' in and of themselves. I think this might, like most psychological phenomena, depend on the individual. Liz: In the big pcture, the facts are always our friends. The temptation is there to speak causally from correlational data but we have to resist it. These events corrupt the sense of confidence, stability and trust we have in the world. It's nuts, and even though I know it's nuts, it has still been so damaging that I cry imagining doing certain things again. Words, Idiotic Jokes, Hurtful Phrases, Bullies , Idiots from the Internet. I can assure you, if someone in that intimate of a position turns out to be a bully who treats you like an inferior and lies to you, it can be VERY damaging. Indeed, psychologists have long been interested in why some individuals appear to overcome traumatic events and thrive while others appear unable to recover, continuing to suffer from post traumatic stress disorder or other mental-health problems. Required fields are marked *, ©2013-2020 Truth Inside Of You - ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. My Soldiers who have PTSD issues who were loved when growing up have a soft place to land when their hearts are scarred by their experiences, do well and move on.

Isn't "toughening up" actually shaping personality? Because parenting behaviors co-occur with children's developing personalities, many parents assume that their behaviors actually shape their children's personalities. It’s not entirely clear to what extent we are born with resilience and to what extent it is something that we learn. Children merely grow into adults who have absorbed and developed functioning skills for the societal/customary/routine behaviors of the world in which they are expected to function. We need to have and give love, genuine love, interested love, active love and caring for our children as that is what will carry them through life. The question remains: did they make her stronger or render her more vulnerable? It's what makes us, to quote Nietzsche again, 'Human, all too human'. She reminded herself that had she made alternative choices, stemming from a “If I knew then what I know now,” mindset, she would have missed career and relationship opportunities. But it is certainly a construct that can be improved and built upon.

Victim mentality? "damaged" people may have confidence issues but are realists and at some point they too can come to understand how they got where they are and rise above it. Intact things work better. The scapegoated child is always labeled as "acting out", when he is reacting to rather than complying with something that he knows is wrong or unhealthy. My concern is that the DSM is continually expanding the list of personality and behavioural 'disorders' and professionals are all-too-keen to relate what Szasz has called 'problems in living' to incidents of childhood 'trauma'.

When studying the personality traits of resilient holocaust survivors, who had suffered extreme trauma and watched their families and friends die in the camps, we found that they were characterised by optimism, creative problem solving and acceptance of their situation.

I thought the point was that how you grow up teaches you different rules about how to live. For some reason, when we are happy or content we don't reflect or analyze ourselves and/or our actions, but when we undergo a hardship, we tend to ponder about what went wrong. Another reason we think trauma may be transformative is that we see variants of this process around us. For our minds, however, the leap is short between seeing the strong emerge from a calamity and concluding that they are strong because of the calamity. Then he argues that experiencing trauma weakens people. the tough neighborhood - a place where they are more likely than not, going to experience more trauma as adults.). So does that mean that people with an “easy life”, who may not have had the opportunity to learn how to be resilient, are worse at it? This notion found life beyond Nietzsche's—which is ironic, his having been rather short and miserable—and it continues to resonate within American culture. True : you learn to embrace your Ego with Compassion, Empathy & Love at a certain point. Journalist,  founder of Wives Self Help hotline, andauthor of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger: Turning Bad Breaks Into Blessings, Maxine Schnall comes out on the side that resilience and strength can indeed come from the unthinkable. Coddling and Care are not the same nor are Psychological hardship and laceration.
Sometimes it’s contrast, not a mirror.”, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is bs. Some are trivial, like a fan's belief that wearing his lucky jersey helps his team win. If neurons that fire together, wire together, then there can be no surprise that a developing brain shaped by 'trauma' will inevitably process life's vicissitudes from the standpoint of anxiety and fear.

As much as we might want to use deductive reasoning to understand and, in some cases, validate an outcome, do we, at times, seek out challenges to make what happened to us, Are our challenges like an intense gym workout that has us becoming more flexible and robust as we sweat it out on various pieces of equipment that might be symbolically labeled, “illness”, “death of a loved one”, “financial difficulty”, or “relationship ending”? Within a fairly broad range of basic parental competence, there does not seem to be a strong link between early experience and adult personality. Is It True That What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger? Of course, sometimes we do emerge stronger — but then again, we can also become stronger by being well loved and experiencing joy. “Well, at first I can be pretty resentful, but I know how cherished I am, so I always get over it. I firmly believe that my parents did their best for both of us and are not responsible for my sister's behavior. It helps people create a sense of stability, bond with caregivers, communicate needs and emotions, regulate themselves, and feel a higher level of self-worth. In the long run, the truth provides the best foundation for real strength. He uses his field less as a science, and more as twisting around facts to support personal beliefs. I know my being has been damaged by many traumas, starting in childhood and continuing now. Study Reveals Drinking Alcohol Helps You Speak Foreign Languages Better, The Rock Has Donated Around 700k Bottles Of Voss Water To Healthcare Professionals, Couple Recreates 50-Year-Old Woodstock Photo Showing Beginning of Their Relationship, This Dentist Travels Around Brazil To Treat The Teeth Of Poor People For Free, This Is Why A Loving Father-Daughter Relationship Is Required To Build A Strong Independent Woman, Three Separated Brothers Were Brought Together By A Lesbian Couple To Help Them Grow Together, Mother Delivered Two Weeks Early so Dying Husband Could Meet His Baby Girl, George Carlin’s Cynical Sayings That Will Make You Laugh And Think, Terence McKenna at His Best: Drugs, Legality, and Love (Interview), 5 Short Terence McKenna Videos That Will Blow Your Mind. I didn't cite anything from Satoshi. But that’s not the whole story.

‘We take on the strength of that which we overcome.’”, “Well, at first I can be pretty resentful, but I know how cherished I am, so I always get over it. Second,I didn't argue that parental behavior as 'no effect whatsoever.' What you do when you are dying is what makes you stronger. You don't have to look very far in order to see the extent to which pain and suffering shapes us individually and, also, culturally, as a society. Though these aspects of life can make you stronger they first make you weak, such as developing personality traits that are viewed as weak attributes. Learning To Trust Yourself Again After Betrayal, Many Seniors with Depression Faring Well During Pandemic. I have been so tired of hearing this quote about trauma making you stronger.

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